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Translation - 2004-07-12 01:47:14 That's almost as breath-taking as his "Tonight I write (the saddest lines)." One of my favorite lines in poetry is, "I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her/ Love is short, forgetting is so long."* * * * * * * * * * * * Laura - 2004-07-12 20:01:46 Anna, you introduced me to a poem I'd never read before--thank you. I can hardly see how anyone could describe that feeling any better. ������ POEMA 20 Puedo escribir los versos m�s tristes esta noche. Escribir, por ejemplo: �La noche est� estrellada, y tiritan, azules, los astros, a lo lejos.� El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta. Puedo escribir los versos m�s tristes esta noche. Yo la quise, y a veces ella tambi�n me quiso. En las noches como �sta la tuve entre mis brazos. La bes� tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito. Ella me quiso, a veces yo tambi�n la quer�a. C�mo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos. Puedo escribir los versos m�s tristes esta noche. Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido. O�r la noche inmensa, m�s inmensa sin ella. Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el roc�o. Qu� importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla. La noche est� estrellada y ella no est� conmigo. Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos. Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido. Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca. Mi coraz�n la busca, y ella no est� conmigo. La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos �rboles. Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos. Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cu�nto la quise. Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su o�do. De otro. Ser� de otro. Como antes de mis besos. Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos. Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero. Es tan corto el amor, y es tan largo el olvido. Porque en noches como �sta la tuve entre mis brazos, Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido. Aunque �ste sea el �ltimo dolor que ella me causa, y �stos sean los �ltimos versos que yo le escribo.* * * * * * * * * * * * Translation - 2004-07-12 20:04:16 Tonight I Write (the saddest lines)
I can write the saddest poem of all tonight. Hmm... interesting -- that's not the canonical translation. I have a book of his that has both the English version and Spanish version -- one on each page facing each other. I'll try to dig up the title. Also, I'll try to find the other translation -- the English isn't as perfect, but I think it does a better job of maintaining the rhythm of the original. It's really fascinating what a difference the translator makes!* * * * * * * * * * * * Anna - 2004-07-13 09:27:00 Tonight I can write the saddest lines. Write for example, 'The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance.' The night wind revolves in the sky and sings. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too. Through nights like this one I held her in my arms. I kissed her again and again under the endless sky. She loved me, sometimes I loved her too. How could one not have loved her great still eyes. Tonight I can write the saddest lines. To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her. To hear immense night, still more immense without her. And the verse falls to the soul like dew to a pasture. What does it matter that my love could not keep her. The night is shattered and she is not with me. This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance. My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her. My sight searches for her as though to go to her. My heart looks for her, and she is not with me. The same night whitening the same trees. We, of that time, are no longer the same. I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her. My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing. Another's. She will be another's. Like my kisses before. Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes. I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her. Love is short, forgetting is so long. Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her. Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer and these the last verses that I write for her. * * * * * * * * * * * * Anna - 2004-07-13 09:32:56 Crud, that didn't preserve the spacing. This translation can be found at: http://www.users.qwest.net/~jfedak/saddest.htm compare these two lines -- they're subtle differences, but the second seems less fluidly "English" but truer to Neruda's voice (to me, anyway, maybe I just prefer it because it's more familiar). 1) "How could I not have loved her large, still eyes?" 2) "How could one not have loved her great still eyes" and these: 1) I no longer love her, true, but how much I loved her. 2) I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her. * * * * * * * * * * * * Anna - 2004-07-13 15:32:31 I've been thinking of this poem all day. My Spanish is a bit rusty, but there is a line that has always bothered me and I never stopped to carefully read the original Spanish. Here's the translation: 1st: "What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her. The night is full of stars and she is not with me. That's all. " [emphasis mine] 2nd: "What does it matter that my love could not keep her. The night is shattered and she is not with me. This is all." The Spanish: "Qu� importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla. La noche est� estrellada y ella no est� conmigo. Eso es todo. " I would translate it this way: What does it matter that my love couldn't keep her? The night is full of stars and she is not with me. That is everything. In the latter, he answers his own question -- it's everything to him that she's not with him. * * * * * * * * * * * * Laura - 2004-07-13 16:00:09 Anna, I think that is a very astute reading and what a difference in meaning! The first one, "that is all" is almost dismissive. The second is full of seemingly overwhelming grief and loss. I find "estrellada" very interesting, too--I picture a shattered (but not broken) window--a window "starred" from an impact...two meanings of "star" and "shattered" folded together--quite a potent and amazing image! * * * * * * * * * * * * Anna - 2004-07-13 16:23:12 Wow, I like that! * * * * * * * * * * * * Laura - 2004-07-13 16:26:37 that's neruda for ya. :D* * * * * * * * * * * * Anna - 2004-07-13 18:24:35 His use of "guardar" (to guard) is interesting. They translate it as "to keep" which is technically correct, but "why wasn't I able to guard against losing her?" seems to be closer to his intention. [you're probably seen Il Postino -- that's exactly the way I imagine him]* * * * * * * * * * * * Laura - 2004-07-13 19:01:34 I agree with you about "guardar"--that does seem more in line with the tone. Yes, :) I've seen Il Postino--his character was the best part (the rest was a tad sugary for me). Examining these two translations more closely, I conclude that the one you supplied is better, for at least two reasons: 1) use of progressive tenses rather than simple present seems to stretch things out and imply a motion over time--the night, the lonliness, going on and on--instead of just a state of being. Example: ...a lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos. Far away, someone sings. Far away. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance. La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos arboles. The same night that whitens the same trees. The same night whitening the same trees. "Far away, someone sings" is abstract..."someone is singing in the distance" almost makes me see him craning out the window. 2) Similarly, translating "en" as "through" rather than "on" also implies a breadth to travel through rather than just a single point...it seems to increase the size of what's under discussion. En las noches como esta la tuve entre mis brazos. On nights like this, I held her in my arms. Through nights like this one I held her in my arms. "Through" implies he held her the whole night...and "this one" is more specific, zeroing in on this one intense night, right now. These are quibbly little points, but just two small examples of why the second translation is better. * * * * * * * * * * * * Anna - 2004-07-13 19:32:22 You articulated that much better than I did -- I just had the vague sense that I liked the one I already knew better, but wasn't sure if it was out of its general familiarity (the book is one of my favorites -- full woman, peach, something -- I still need to look that up). Also, for some reason, I like, "Tonight I can write the saddest..." rather than, "I can write the saddest poem of all tonight." Also, "forgetting is so long" implies an active attempt to forget (something most of us have experienced if not succesfully a la the recent "Eternal Sunshine..."). It seems somehow more poignant than "oblivion is so long".* * * * * * * * * * * * add your comment: |